i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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