How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
