Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
