I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
