U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
