Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
