The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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