Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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