you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
