yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
