He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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