Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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