1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
