I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Randomize
