Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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