Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
