Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
