so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
