Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
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he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
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that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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