the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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