don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
