My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
