She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
