Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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