uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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