Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Let's paint friendship bongs
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
