i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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