im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
