We're like a lot better than the average bears
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
