I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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