I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
