I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
