just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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