First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
