It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
