I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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