Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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