After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
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We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize