Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
