i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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