I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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