you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
