3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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