his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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