Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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