Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
