lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
