what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
