I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
