Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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