she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
