Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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