He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
