he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
