So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
