don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
