If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
