I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
