We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
