Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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