I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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