i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
