Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
