Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
