dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
