sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
