I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
