at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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