batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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