end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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