At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
